I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism