watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?