You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY