If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
