well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
