My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
