Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
