I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
