If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this just has baby written all over it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
