I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
