Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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