so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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