I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
