i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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