at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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