R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
