Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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