Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
