I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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