yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
