What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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