i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
