I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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