He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes