i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?