so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party