and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.