did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
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Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now