my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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