Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  No...more like a life jacket.

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  (603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet? (1-603): No...more like a life jacket. http://tfl.nu/4uwt
  Replies (8) Good night (1490) Bad night (559)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Who did Billy Mays play for?

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  (732): Who did Billy Mays play for? http://tfl.nu/wvwr
  Replies (33) Good night (685) Bad night (4181)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  yea

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  turns out that you did...and i just found it.

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  (856): You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel? (856): yea (1-856): turns out that you did...and i just found it. http://tfl.nu/lurm
  Replies (57) Good night (694) Bad night (8291)
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  (516): View more from New York

  You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online

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  (516): You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online http://tfl.nu/xicc
  Replies (11) Good night (4000) Bad night (1201)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.

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  (469): It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays. http://tfl.nu/21z4
  Replies (13) Good night (4351) Bad night (1192)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab

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  (304): I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab http://tfl.nu/wqq0
  Replies (24) Good night (5328) Bad night (1388)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

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  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9517) Bad night (931)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

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  (612): I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him http://tfl.nu/slwx
  Replies (12) Good night (4040) Bad night (1560)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.

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  (972): I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success. http://tfl.nu/i1ko
  Replies (6) Good night (3038) Bad night (991)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?

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  (440): Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating? http://tfl.nu/ubob
  Replies (6) Good night (1505) Bad night (1021)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.

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  (256): I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night. http://tfl.nu/42hk
  Replies (0) Good night (1219) Bad night (430)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ur mom makes the best bacon

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE

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  (570): ur mom makes the best bacon (1-570): WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE http://tfl.nu/0ryx
  Replies (14) Good night (3649) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.

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  (512): My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes. http://tfl.nu/b90a
  Replies (1) Good night (1064) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I think you were raised by the wrong sister

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  (616): My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks" (1-616): I think you were raised by the wrong sister http://tfl.nu/18dn
  Replies (1) Good night (1426) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.

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  (513): The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex. http://tfl.nu/e8ga
  Replies (2) Good night (772) Bad night (221)

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