I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My liver is preforming stress tests.