Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
