And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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