I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
