cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
