the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize