So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
