I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
