I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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