So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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