don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
