I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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