he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
