Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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