Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
