i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
