u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
