I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
