I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
