I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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