I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You have to summon your inner elephant
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
