Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
whose ass print is on the piano?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Randomize
