My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
