what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
