go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
