Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
