i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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