I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
