this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
