Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
