Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
