Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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