your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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