I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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