i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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