Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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