The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
