What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
