Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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