Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im on a boat
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