Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
