I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize