I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize