Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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