I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
