Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
