ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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